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What I learnt this past month

Updated: Mar 27

I've discovered my attachment tendencies..

The past month was weird.

Sometimes I found myself and other times I felt like I was losing myself. Heart rate was impacted by who I would be spending time with. The way I felt and both peace and clarity of mind were blurred and negatively influenced. I just felt like I was on a constant pull-push thought-process and behaviour. And then during a few days at my parents, I noticed my stress levels were going down, I slept better and had a clearer mind. Not enough to understand, but enough to realise something wasn't ok. Something I couldnt see..Something I didn't want to see...

It's called fearful avoidance.

It took me a while to look into attachment styles. Maybe because I was fearing what I'd learn. You know...avoiding it or something...(no comment...)

And fair's not the "best" style out there... or the most common (did you know, only 5-7% of the population is driven by the combination of fearful-avoidant or anxious-avoidant? 🫣)

Although is there really a worst or best..🤔

Is it really black and white? Most likely not

It looks to me that discovering your tendencies can be the beginning of a new part in one's life... a new chapter in your personal growth journey...if you allow it to be...

And yes, tendencies. You are not your attachment style. You have tendencies and those can change (yay!) It does require self-awareness, working on communication skills, setting healthy boundaries, and considering support from therapeutic methods.

So what are attachment styles? And what is someone with fearful avoidant attachment? Or shall I say: someone with anxious and avoidant tendencies...

✨What's Your Attachment Style?✨

Attachment styles play a significant role in how we navigate relationships and interactions with others.

Understanding your attachment style can provide valuable insight into your behaviours, reactions, and emotional responses in romantic partnerships, friendships, and familial connections.

**Secure**: you are comfortable with emotional intimacy and are able to trust others. You feel secure in yourself and in your relationships, and you are generally able to communicate your needs effectively.

**Anxious **: you often seek high levels of closeness and reassurance from your partners. You may worry about your partner's feelings and the stability of the relationship, leading to behaviours like clinginess or jealousy

**Avoidant**: you tend to value your independence and may feel uncomfortable with too much closeness or emotional intimacy. You may prioritize self-reliance and independence over emotional connection with others.

**Fearful-Avoidant**: This attachment style is a combination of anxious and avoidant traits. You desire closeness but may be fearful of getting hurt or rejected. You may struggle with trusting others and forming secure attachments. (🙋🏻‍♀️🫣)

**Anxious-Avoidant**: you may experience conflicting desires for closeness and independence. You may want emotional intimacy but also fear getting too close, leading to a push-pull dynamic in your relationships.

Understanding these attachment styles can help you recognise your own patterns of behaviour and make conscious efforts to improve the quality of your relationships.

By gaining insight into attachment styles, you can work towards developing healthier and more fulfilling connections with yourself and with others. I am grateful for being at a stage where I am ready to not avoid my tendencies anymore. There is something freeing about it. My shoulders and chest feel lighter, more open. I feel better than I have felt in the past few weeks. And maybe this is all it takes... becoming aware to make that first step forward ❤️

If you'd like further reading/listening recommendations on this topic, feel free to reach out

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