I am writing this while on the flight back from India, after a pilgrimage during the 9 nights of Navratri (in Sansktrit, Navratri means 9 nights) which is a Hindu celebration of the multiple incarnations of the Goddess Durga.
It first starts with celebration of Durga or Kali for the first three days, before celebrating abundance with Lakshmi, and navigating through inner wisdom with Saraswati.
A three step journey which is ideal to deep dive into each goddess and take time to let go, appreciate, and grow.
This was my first time in India, and my second time this side of the world.
This trip brought a priceless experience to me. I was lucky to celebrate Navratri and spend 10 days at the heart of the Yoga capital of the world, Rishikesh; also popular for Hindu pilgrimages by Ganga Ma (the Ganges River).
A lot has changed in ten days...
I left the UK with extra weight on my shoulders, with tightness in my heart, and with an increasing fear of not doing enough, and what I have been doing not to be good enough to counter past mistakes. You see, that's of course where I was mistaken... trying to do better and better to "make up" for past pain I caused to others, and to myself.
It took a good 6 days to get the weight to lift... to get an openness I hadn't encountered before. After multiple rituals shared by locals, who welcomed us with open arms and genuine kindness, it seems that I have finally managed to let go.
Yoga has always brought a sense of peace and healing
Since practising Yoga regularly for 12 years now , I have seen a shift in my personal development across the last 5 years or so. Yes, it did take an amount of years for me to realise and notice the changes. However, changes started to happen way before that. Noticing tends to happen when a lot of the work and change have already been put in place and you have developed a new routine, which helps you move away from previous habits and mindsets to newer, kinder, better routines bringing more positivity to your daily life
This pilgrimage has brought another level of the above, one I wouldn't have imagined.
I have been holding on to a dark layer for the past 3 years. Maybe as a form of punishment, guilt; maybe as a form of a lesson; thinking I can only learn if I keep the scar open rather than heal it.
Today I feel like this layer is no longer.
I won't forget and I keep learning.
I also forgive and let go of the pain and hurt I caused. Writing the latter 2 weeks ago, I wouldn't have believed it...I would have wanted to convince myself of it.
I can't explain the why or the full how. I just know today I believe forgiveness and detachment have now happened.
Healing takes time.
I am not coming back to England with a magic wand that can cure any pain or hurt. Healing takes time. Forgiveness and letting go may take time too. I am coming back though with more healing energy I have ever been able to feel before and I hope to share it during my teaching and in my day-to-day life.
I sometimes struggle with the flow of energy shared with and flowing through me during my teaching and with loved ones. The flowing of energy has been increasing more and more throughout the past couple of years. I was wondering if I could be more helpful to myself and others if I learn and develop ways to guide and flow energy more fluidly and with more balance. I had thought of training before... but I have to admit... this trip gave me that "thing" , that "little push", that gut feeling I needed to pursue this further. And so.. I have signed up for Reiki Level 1 training (Shoden).
After receiving attunement and practising for a while, I will then pursue Level 2 to become a Reiki Practitioner, and add this officially as part of my holistic offerings.
In the meantime, all Yoga classes resume this Saturday...